Listen up, non-rich Americans. I’m growing tired of your annoying complaints about high gas prices.
I guess it has something to do with U.S. gas prices hitting their highest level in four years, or people spending $81.3 billion more on gas or energy goods in March than they spent the previous month.
I have people who buy gas for me, so I can’t be pestered with such trivialities. Some say the Iran war – started by my personal tax-cutter, President Donald Trump – has something to do with it all. Ho hum.
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What bothers me is all the noise, noise, noise coming from the hoi polloi. It’s so bad that Trump’s approval rating dropped to 34% in the most recent Reuters/Ipsos poll, which I had my butler read to me. Can’t you ungrateful wretches just calm down and sell one of your lake houses to cover higher gas costs?
It's rude of non-rich Americans to blame Trump for high gas prices
On May 1, Trump acknowledged that pump prices have gone up since he attacked Iran to keep them from developing a nuclear weapon in the nuclear facilities he completely obliterated last year.
“Gasoline's high,” he said. “Other prices are way down but gasoline's high.”
The butler tried to claim other prices are not, in fact, way down. I dispatched him to the horse barn and will later hunt him for sport.
Gas prices may be skyrocketing, but Trump still has his ballroom!
Trump then smartly pivoted to what really matters to Americans.
“Very importantly, right over there,” he said, pointing across the White House lawn, “you’re gonna have the greatest ballroom ever built.”
Ah, the ballroom. Why can’t you gas-gripers embrace the beauty and majesty ofsplendidly lavish ballroom you’ll never set your grubby feet in?
Trump should be praised to the crystal chandeliers for embracing my firm belief that the wealthy must have comfort and luxury so our happiness can trickle down to the masses. Ballroom scraps for all, I say!
Even Republicans are blaming Trump for the cost of gas? SAD!
Alas, that same poll I mentioned found 77% of registered U.S. voters blame Trump for the rise in gas prices. Worse yet, 55% of Republicans blame the president.
That’s outrageous! Even my dressage horse, Carnegie Rockefeller III, watches enough Fox News to know that only a Democratic president can be blamed for high gas prices.
Fortunately, 22% of voters don’t blame Trump for high gas prices, and I’m proud to suspect that the 22% consists entirely of well-heeled Republican lawmakers.
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