Monday, May 8, 2023

ALDOUS J. PENNYFARTHING: It's popcorn time! Tucker Carlson is fixing to 'torch' Fox News

Not long after firing Tucker Carlson, Fox News further embarrassed their erstwhile Goober Goebbels by revealing to his now-scandalized audience that he might have actually been a racist all along. Yes, I know. Weird, wild stuff, huh?

According to recent media leaks, the guy who once said immigrants make our country “dirtier” also saw three MAGA yobs beating up on an antifa member and wanted them to “hurt the kid” so much he could “taste it”—though, to be fair, he also lamented that this wasn’t “how white men fight.” And, you know, he’s right about that. Usually they’re drunk on Coors Light, wearing a Red Sox cap backwards, and/or invading Poland with Panzer tanks.  

Well, now Tucker is talking about striking back at the network that allowed him to propagandize on behalf of COVID-19 and Vladimir Putin for somewhat longer than you’d think a news organization not literally managed by The Joker would. 

According to Axios, Carlson is ready to “unleash allies” on Fox News to pressure the network into allowing him to work for—or create his own—Fox competitor. Bryan Freedman, an attorney Carlson hired to help him keep the mind-poison spigot on full blast, told Axios, “The idea that anyone is going to silence Tucker and prevent him from speaking to his audience is beyond preposterous.”

RELATED STORY: Fox News just figured out Tucker Carlson is a flaming racist

Meanwhile, Axios reports that Carlson has been contacted by media outlets such as Rumble and Newsmax that offered to better his Fox salary. He’s also reportedly thinking about creating his own subscription-based media outlet, a la disgraced Falafel Lothario Bill O’Reilly. 

But first he has to be let out of his Fox contract. And he has a plan for that!

State of play: The ousted host "knows where a lot of bodies are buried, and is ready to start drawing a map," said a Carlson source who wasn't authorized to speak publicly.

Yeah, normally you’d assume that’s a metaphor, but in this case the odds are pretty good that we’re talking about literal bodies.

Also, according to Axios, Trump-affiliated “bare-knuckle brawlers” are ready to enter the fray.

"They're coming to him and saying: 'Do you want me to hit Fox?''' a close Carlson friend said. "He's been saying: 'No. I want to get this done quiet and clean.' "

  • "Now, we're going from peacetime to Defcon 1," the friend added. "His team is preparing for war. He wants his freedom."
  • In a sign of what could be coming, Megyn Kelly hit her former employer for its post-Carlson ratings by tweeting a reference to conservative attacks on Bud Light: "My audience is calling them #Foxweiser."

Ah, it’s so heartening to see Fox castoffs trash their former network because it’s not quite racist or dishonest enough. But what do you expect, really? Contrition? Come on, now. Being a Republican means never having to say you’re sorry … or be sorry ... or think you’ve ever done anything you should be remotely sorry about.

Because that’s how white men like Tucker Carlson fight. Dishonestly, and below the belt.

Fox News host Tucker Carlson discusses 'Populism and the Right' during the National Review Institute's Ideas Summit at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel... 

 OK, what's ole Tuck measuring here?  But Donald said there's no problem there.

 

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