Remember Donald Trump, the guy who, roughly 300 weeks ago, promised that his tremendous Obamacare replacement was just weeks away, and who was reportedly determined to pull the U.S. out of NATO in his second term? Now he’s telling the world how easy it would be to end his buddy Vladimir Putin’s war of aggression against Ukraine.
In fact, Trump has convinced both himself and his brutally overworked Adderall fairies that there’d be no war in Ukraine if he were still president. Which might be true! Putin might already be finished with Ukraine and be fixing to blitzkrieg Poland by now. But in Trump’s world, Putin—who moved mountains to try to get Trump reelected—would have been too scared of him to invade. Or something like that. Which makes a certain amount of sense if you ignore everything you know about history, diplomacy, geopolitics, the authoritarian mindset, Donald Trump’s relationship with Putin, and Donald Trump’s relationship with his bathroom omelet bar. In other words, if you’re a Fox News viewer.
On Monday, Trump appeared on the Sean Hannity Is Still Somehow Embarrassing Alan Colmes radio show to unload a new tranche of alternative facts, but Trump appeared to have gone too far—even for Baghdad Boob.
Apparently, the same guy who claimed he’d eliminate the entire national debt in eight years before adding $7.8 trillion to it in just four would have prevented the war entirely—by simply letting Russia “take over” parts of Ukraine. And, who knows, maybe annex the Sudetenland just for shits and gigs.
Saying that Russia was going for the “whole enchilada” with Joe Biden as president, Trump added that Russia “took over nothing” while he was in the White House because Russian President Vladimir Putin “understood” that “he would have never done it.”
The former president then added: “That’s without even negotiating a deal. I could have negotiated. At worst, I could’ve made a deal to take over something, there are certain areas that are Russian-speaking areas, frankly, but you could’ve worked a deal.”
Oh, hey, the 1930s called. They want their naive, evil-appeasing Western leaders back.
Of course, Hannity, who is well aware that interviewing Trump is like languidly suckling a hallucinogenic toad while watching Benito Mussolini blow bubbles in his milk for 40 minutes, knows he’s just a propagandist. So the last thing he was going to do was let his nightly Fox News audience hear the bad, and very foolish, thing Trump had said earlier in the day.
During his evening show, Hannity aired the segment featuring Trump’s boasts about easily ending the war, but then weirdly elided the bit about offering up a chunk of Ukraine.
Instead, shortly after Trump says, “I could have negotiated,” the audio quickly skips about 30 seconds of speaking time before picking back up where the former president pivots to his complaint that “China no longer respects the United States.”
Oh, God. I mean, it’s obvious from the many, many revealing documents from Dominion Voting Systems’ defamation lawsuit against Fox that the network is in the tank for Trump and his merry band of shitheels, but wow. Anyone—even the blinkered goofballs at Fox News—can see this guy is a menace. Tucker Carlson even said he passionately hates him. And yet they continue to conceal and downplay his most egregious actions and statements. Which is really disturbing. I mean, come on. Are ratings seriously more important to Fox than global democracy and the ultimate fate of the planet?
Of course, Trump has been saying for some time now that ending his BFF’s elective war would be “so easy” and that he could broker a peace deal in “24 hours.”
Uh-huh.
This reminds me of Trump’s secret plan to defeat ISIS, which turned out to be “do basically everything President Barack Obama was doing, and when it works, claim it was your idea.”
It’s also very reminiscent of that time he said repealing Obamacare and replacing it with a much better plan would be super-duper simple.
"My first day in office, I am going to ask Congress to put a bill on my desk getting rid of this disastrous law and replacing it with reforms that expand choice, freedom, affordability," Trump said in October 2016, which was—let me just double-check my math—slightly more than two weeks ago. "You're going to have such great health care at a tiny fraction of the cost. And it's going to be so easy."
No wonder Putin worked so hard to get Trump elected. He was concerned about our health! Not so much his own citizens’, of course—but man, does he ever want to make America great again. And chances are, he’ll never stop trying.
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