Blue Country Gazette: March 2023

Friday, March 31, 2023

Trump's Piggish Behavior Toward Women Brought His Copious Ass Down

Erin Gloria Ryan / The Daily Beast

'It is purely morally satisfying that the ex-president - a vile, lifelong misogynist - is facing criminal charges.' (photo: Gaelen Morse/Reuters)

It is purely morally satisfying that the ex-president—a vile, lifelong misogynist—is facing criminal charges for essentially stepping on his own dick.

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Erin Gloria Ryan / The Daily Beast

31 March 23

On Thursday, 12 days after Donald Trump first predicted he’d be indicted and a day after he praised a Manhattan grand jury for not indicting him, the former president’s legal luck ran out when he was indicted for violations of campaign finance law.

We don’t know the specific charges yet, but we can reasonably surmise it has something to do with Trump using 2016 campaign funds to pay for the silence of adult film actress Stormy Dianels (née Stephanie Clifford) with whom Trump allegedly had a sexual affair back in 2006. Trump’s then-attorney Michael Cohen took out a home equity loan of $130,000 in order to pay Daniels and was then reimbursed by the campaign. Which, to borrow law terminology, is super illegal.

The charges at the center of the New York state indictment pale in comparison to other laws Trump has allegedly violated or bragged about violating during his long tenure as a public figure. Trump is circling something like four drains right now.

A grand jury in Georgia also sounds poised to indict the former president on charges regarding his attempts to bully state election officials into falsifying 2020 electoral results, if statewide legislators’ attempts to jam up the case by firing the prosecutor don’t work out. Trump also must face a jury in a civil trial involving the writer E. Jean Carroll, who alleges that Trump defamed her when he called her a liar after she had accused him of sexually assaulting her in a New York City department store dressing room in the 1990s.

But Trump’s extensive resume of being a career shithead—a failed coup attempt, stiffing the contractors who built his hotels and casinos, two impeachments, numerous sexual misconduct and assault allegations, several near-misses with the IRS, stealing classified documents from the White House and storing him in the basement of his country club and lying about it, hiring his unqualified moron relatives and slimeball unregistered foreign agents for high-level government jobs, broadcasting his toilet thoughts to Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson like they were Miss Cleo and he was paying 99 cents a minute for their psychic insight, and some light treason—it does feel fitting that this indictment is his first.

Trump allegedly had an extramarital affair back in 2006, while his wife was at home with their newborn son—trashy! Trump then tried to cover up that affair by having his attorney take out a home equity loan for $130,000—oh my god, what an asshole! And he reimbursed his bag man with campaign funds. (He or his surrogates have admitted to as much.) What a blithering moron!

Will Trump go to jail over this? Probably not. The statute of limitations has expired on the alleged crime at the center of the indictment. New York City court watchers are quick to point out that the Manhattan District Attorney’s office has some PR potholes to fill after former District Attorney Cy Vance whiffed several opportunities to prosecute Trump and members of his family.

Regardless, women who always found Trump to be a disgusting pig will likely find that today’s indictment adds richness and decadence to their mental state—like bacon fat instead of oil in a vinaigrette. Trump is a sexist asshole, perhaps the preeminent asshole in contemporary American life. That’s what his supporters love about him. That’s what regular people find distasteful about him. And it’s what most decent people loathe.

But Trump is, objectively, a pig of a man.

He’s been publicly, humiliatingly unfaithful to all three of his wives. One of his wives alleged that he physically and sexually abused her; she is now buried on his New Jersey golf course in what many observers say is a blatant attempt by Trump to save money on property taxes. Two dozen women have accused him of sexual abuse or misconduct. He’s made no secret of being sexually attracted to his oldest daughter. He used to pal around with the international sexual predator of children, Jeffrey Epstein. He famously barged into the changing area backstage of the Miss Teen USA pageant, back when he owned the pageant. He has literally bragged about sexually assaulting women.

Trump is a dick to everybody, but he’s mostly a dick to women, especially women who dare deviate from what he wants them to be. Women who are not sexually available or too sexually available, women who are too old, women who are too heavy or whose breasts are too small. Women who are too brunette or too indifferent to his personal preferences for how they should be or act. Women who are too Black, or too gay. Women who will not do his bidding. Women who are not completely malleable are not only worthless to Trump, they are scorned.

Being an asshole isn’t illegal, but every woman in America would probably think it was pretty great if the biggest asshole they knew went to jail.

And now, nearly two weeks after his Ides of March prediction, the closest thing living Americans have encountered to a self-proclaimed Caesar was metaphorically stabbed on the steps of the Senate by what he thought had always been his closest friend and ally—pussy.

It’s beautiful.

This is what you truly deserve, Donny, for reasons that go beyond your abuse of women, reasons that are too numerous to count. If there is any justice in this world, your troubles are just beginning.

Thursday, March 30, 2023

'Get the f--- out of the way': John Leguizamo has a message for do-nothing-about-guns Republicans

John Leguizamo is hosting The Daily Show this week. The satirical news program has been using a rotation of celebrity guests from the world of comedy and acting and politics. Before Leguizamo was known for his film and television acting, he was best known as a comedian who worked one-man-show-style material into theater performances in New York City, like 1991’s “Mambo Mouth.”

On Tuesday, Leguizamo did a piece touching on the response (or pathetic lack of response) from Republicans over the Nashville, Tennessee, school shooting that left three children and three adults dead. Leguizamo remarked, “Like all of you, I'm sick to death of this. And I want you to know, and I want to know, what our representatives plan to do about it, okay?”

Leguizamo went on, “Because if you ask this representative from Tennessee, he plans to do jack shit about it.” He then ran a clip of Republican Rep. Tim Burchett of Tennessee, whose only goal as a legislator seems to be banning drag shows.

RELATED STORY: 'We're not gonna fix it': Tennessee Republican says nothing can be done to stop gun violence

The clip shows Burchett’s withering answers to reporters outside of Tennessee’s Capitol building after the shooting that claimed three young children’s lives. In the clip, Burchett says, “We're not gonna fix it. Criminals are going to be criminals,” and then relates something he says his father told him as a World War II veteran, about fighting in a war. “’Buddy,’ he said, ‘if somebody wants to take you out and doesn’t mind losing their life, then there’s not a whole heck of a lot you can do about it.’”

Leguizamo parroted Burchett’s ‘not a lot you can do about it’ mantra, responding “That’s the best you have to offer?” Then he said what all of us feel: “You're a congressman! If you don't have any ideas for how to keep our kids safe, get the fuck out of the way and don't work at of Pinkberry or some shit.” He also makes a point of connecting how little Timmy Burchett seems to have missed the point of his daddy’s tale. “And by the way, no disrespect to his father, but going to school in America feels like fighting in World War II? That should be a sign that things are seriously fucked-up in America.”

Then Leguizamo turned to CrossFit hate ghoul Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s attacks on trans children, specifically citing one of the three tweets (seen below) that Greene put out after the police reported that the shooter, while assigned female at birth, used he/him pronouns. All three of those tweets were taken down by Elon Musk’s Twitter. That’s how bad and offensive they were.

Leguizamo responded to the audience’s boos, saying, “I know, It seems crazy because since 99.9% of the mass shooters are not trans.” Here, Leguizamo and The Daily Show used the side camera, as Leguizamo tried a new tack in trying to get Greene on board with gun safety legislation:

“Here's the thing, Marjorie. I agree with you. I don't think trans people should be allowed to own assault rifles either. So let's stop them.

“But just to be safe, we should also ban non-trans people from owning assault rifles, okay? Just in case they become trans, okay? You know what I mean? No assault weapons for anybody. That'll show them.”

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

The Republican refusal to blame guns for mass shootings gets a new angle

**A child weeps while on the bus leaving The Covenant School following a mass shooting at the school in Nashville, Tenn., Monday, March 27, 2023. (Nicole Hester/The Tennessean via AP)**

On Monday, a 28-year-old armed with two assault rifles and a handgun broke into a Nashville school and murdered three 9-year-old children and three adults, just the latest deadly school shooting in the United States of America. Republicans are offering a different response than their usual, because of one fact: The shooter is reportedly transgender.

The U.S. has school shooting after school shooting, and Republicans respond with thoughts and prayers and obstruction of meaningful gun laws. But let one shooter be trans, and it’s time for action—action against trans people.

“How much hormones like testosterone and medications for mental illness was the transgender Nashville school shooter taking?” Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeted. “Everyone can stop blaming guns now.” Hormones did not kill those six people—guns did—yet Greene’s apparent implication is that medical care was responsible for the shooting. Meanwhile, Tennessee has banned gender-affirming care for trans youth, although research shows that gender-affirming care dramatically reduces suicide risk in trans and nonbinary youths.

Donald Trump, Jr. weighed in. So did Sen. J.D. Vance, writing, “We're still learning about the horrific shooting in Nashville. But if early reports are accurate that a trans shooter targeted a Christian school, there needs to be a lot of soul searching on the extreme left. Giving in to these ideas isn't compassion, it's dangerous.”

Here’s the thing. We don’t know much about the shooter. What we do know is that the shooter’s name was Audrey Hale, and he went by he/him pronouns. We know he was a former student of the private Christian school he attacked, and that access to guns undeniably enabled him to do it.

Most mass shooters, at schools and in other locations, are cisgender males. In fact, at least 95% of mass shootings are perpetrated by cisgender men, according to analysis by Mother Jones magazine dating back to 1982, and a Violence Project analysis dating back to 1966. That a mass shooter is a cisgender man is basically taken for granted at this point. But what they all have in common is the guns they use to murder with.

That’s not going to stop the Republican hate campaign, an effort to distract from the guns and point a finger instead at the shooter’s gender identity.

News of a “manifesto” is big among Republicans, even though we have no reliable public reporting on what that manifesto might have said, and despite the fact that Republicans have repeatedly dismissed shooters’ manifestos when they reveal far-right influences. It is by now an article of faith on the right that this was a hate crime against Christians (again, remember that the shooter attended the Covenant School) by a trans person. Citing a right-wing tweet about a supposed “Trans Day of Vengeance,” Sen. Josh Hawley tweeted, “This kind of hateful rhetoric - ‘genocide’ and ‘day of vengeance’ - must be condemned. The hate crime massacre in Nashville exposes where rhetoric like this can lead.”

The original tweet has since been taken down, but Hawley’s baseless observations remain. Hawley, by the way, was the lone Senate vote against a hate crimes bill. But now he’s all concerned about hate crimes.

“Transgender people are actually those among us who are more likely to be the target of violent hate crimes across the country every day—because of this very kind of demonization—and the actions of GOP politicians and MAGA commentators will only further embolden the hate that leads to violence,” Michelangelo Signorile wrote.

There’s so much we don't know, but Republicans are rushing to take one little sliver of the available information and construct a whole new branch of their ongoing campaign against trans people while conducting their well-practiced rejection of the thing we do know every single time we watch the aftermath of a mass shooting—that it happened because of virtually unfettered access to guns in this country.

Six innocent people are dead, three of them children. And it was not the shooter’s gender identity that sent bullets speeding into their bodies.

The Republican Party is the direct cause of mass shootings. Their refusal to take action makes them more guilty than the shooters, the gun manufacturers, even the NRA. The Republican Party is pure evil.

Tuesday, March 28, 2023

Elon Musk's Texas plans include dumping 142,000 gallons of wastewater into Colorado River—per day

UAE Minister of Cabinet Affairs Mohammad al-Gergawi (L-on stage) speaks with Elon Musk attending the World Government Summit virtually in Dubai on February 15, 2023. (Photo by Karim SAHIB / AFP) (Photo by KARIM SAHIB/AFP via Getty Images)

The Muskman in action.

Elon Musk and others of his ilk have always ridden high on the idea that having a lot of money allows them to “disrupt” the economic landscape through innovation. In practice the only real innovations are technical ones done by others, and what people like Musk have been adept at doing is repackaging risky investment opportunities into sounding like something cutting edge. Disruption mostly means finding alternative investment packaging for start-up businesses.

On Tuesday, the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality (TCEQ) held a meeting to discuss plans with the public that would allow Elon Musk’s The Boring Company a new permit for its planned Bastrop County facility. That permit would allow the billionaire’s infrastructure tunnel-building company the right to dump “more than 140,000 gallons of treated wastewater a day into the nearby Colorado River.” Right here.

As you might imagine, Texans who live nearby aren’t too keen on letting a billionaire dump his private trash into a very public waterway. Yahoo reports that at least 400 residents showed up to the meeting. According to HuffPost, one resident, farmer Steve Hipe, had questions for the Boring Company’s environmental consultant. “Am I going to be able to use pond water and not kill my trees? We’re not a big company like y’all. We’re a family-owned farm.”

Proponents of the permit, like Ron Whipple, treasurer for the Bastrop County Water Control and Improvement District, relied on platitudes like, “We can’t stop progress.” But there is one glaring problem with Musk’s company and its supposed desperation for an anti-environmental solution to their wastewater problem: They spent the last two years not planning for it.

When the Boring Company bought 73 acres of land in northwest Bastrop, Texas, back in May 2021, and began construction, Musk and his company had to know that they needed a real plan for the waste they would be creating. This is the same area of purchase that included the promise of a worker’s town called Snailbrook that Musk could rule over like a fiefdom. The main issue is that the city of Bastrop has also been building a city plant that treats wastewater since 2021. That plant isn’t the Colorado River. Musk and his Boring Company know this, and also know they need a pipeline to be built that will take potential wastewater to the city plant.

BASTROP COUNTY, TEXAS - MARCH 13: An aerial view of Elon Musk's Snailbrook community under construction on March 13, 2023 in Bastrop County, Texas. Elon Musk has reportedly bought thousands of acres of land in a plan to build a town where employees could live and work. (Photo by Brandon Bell/Getty Images) — **Feast your eyes on innovation!**

Mayor of Bastrop Connie Schroder voiced this concern at the meeting: "The City of Bastrop, like all municipalities, would prefer wastewater to be treated at state-of-the-art treatment plants and it just so happens the City of Bastrop has one under construction.” Resident Chap Ambrose, who lives very close to where the facility is being built, says there are safety concerns "We have a well and we take baths and we drink that water every day. So, if there's a problem, I need to know quickly."

Musk’s Boring Company promises to create low-cost infrastructure for transportation in the way of tunnels. It is, like everything else people like Musk do, a rebranding of the privatization of work that should be done with our tax dollars and owned by us, the taxpayer. Instead, like he did with the Hyperloop and with the tunnel project his Boring Company did in Las Vegas that should have been a municipally controlled train, Musk takes money and focus away from public works projects in order to produce his personalized version of infrastructure.

The promises people like Musk make are the same as the charter schools before them: We can do a thing that can be done by the state better, faster, and for a tiny price. The results so far have also been pretty much the same: mostly projects that are not completed, results that are no better and sometimes worse than what the state would do, and richer CEOs because the real “innovation” is exploiting workers the way 19th century industrialists used to do.

Oh, and by the way, a Musk representative announced at the meeting that the Boring Company and Tesla’s SpaceX program planned on using this permit to dump wastewater, saying: "This is just a short term solution. And ultimately, we hope to not even utilize the full capacity of what's been authorized. We also do want to stress that this is an extremely common method of handling water after it's been treated.”

Will residents be successful in slowing down this version of progress? Ambrose doesn’t have high hopes. "Their compliance history does not give me a lot of confidence. They move as fast as money will buy—unfortunately, they're not careful."

What will these billionaires come up with next?

Monday, March 27, 2023

Why Fig Leaves Often Cover the Most Private Parts of Classical Sculptures

As an equal opportunity blog, we are pleased to present a female version of the David controversy. For a graphic look at David sans fig leaf or other protective covering, proceed cautiously to the end of this article.

By Alexxa Gotthardt, Artsy

Daily Kos Morning

Consider the fig leaf: a little piece of foliage that’s shielded the genitals of famous biblical figures and nude sculptures for centuries.
It’s a plant that’s become synonymous with sin, sex, and censorship. And in large part, we have art history—and the artists determined to portray nudity even when it was considered taboo—to thank for that.
Take Michelangelo’s famous sculpture David (1501–04), a muscular, starkly naked depiction of its namesake biblical hero.
The work scandalized the artist’s fellow Florentines and the Catholic clergy when unveiled in Florence’s Piazza della Signoria in 1504. Soon after, the figure’s sculpted phallus was girdled with a garland of bronze fig leaves by authorities.

60 years later, just months before Michelangelo’s death, the Catholic Church issued an edict demanding that “figures shall not be painted or adorned with a beauty exciting…lust.” The clergy began a crusade to camouflage the penises and pubic hair visible in artworks across Italy.
Their coverups of choice? Loincloths, foliage, and—most often—fig leaves. It has became known as the “Fig Leaf Campaign,” one of history’s most significant acts of art censorship.

Observe the "sculpted phallus" of David. Sorry nude prudes, we are all out of fig leafs. Supply chain issues we suspect.

Sunday, March 26, 2023

No more Ben&Jerry’s, founder comes out as tankie

3056019-poster-p-1-bernies-yearning-a-new-ice-cream-flavor-from-ben-jerrys-ben-cohen.jpg — **Ben&Jerry’s, the newest tankie brand.**

As the Daily Beast reports, Ben Cohen, founder of Ben & Jerry’s, is funding a campaign against US military support for Ukraine through the organisation People’s Power Initiative. Ben Cohen has funded PPI with one million dollars and is the president of the organization. PPI has launched the campaign through a project named Eisenhower Media Network (EMN), which is now pushing a tankie-narrative.

Ben Cohen explains to Daily Beast:

“I think the U.S. should use its power to negotiate an end to the war, not prolong the death and destruction by supplying more weapons.”

Obviously, some left wing utopians have no problem living in a world where great powers have an intrinsic right to dominate weaker neighbours, to create spheres of influence and security.

Democracy and sovereignty be damned.

It’s of the same ilk as “realist” international relations professor John Mearsheimer (another Bernie-supporter) who essentially argues that wars break out as a result of great powers being challenged in their spheres of interest. Hence, the US and Nato should be blamed, not Russia.

The fact that a vast majority of Ukrainians want to find peace and prosperity in the EU, want to exclude the possibility of a future Holodomor, want to eliminate Putin’s influence in Ukraine, want Western support to become a more stable and non-corrupt democracy? Not really important to the tankies.

Somehow, somewhere, American imperialism and the military industrial complex must be the problem.

Well, no more Ben&Jerry’s for me. Good riddance. Too much candy junk for it to actually be called ice cream.

Two things worth pointing out:

1. Bernie Sanders supports Ukraine.

2. While Ben & Jerry’s has been acquired by Unilever, the terms of the acquisition mean that the founders and B&J are still connected through the board and through profit sharing.

Ukraine's flag: Long may she wave.

Friday, March 24, 2023

It's Finally Happened! Utah Parent wants Holy Bible Banned for Pornography

Anyone who has actually read the Bible can tell you it’s full of stories that should not be read by children. Here is a quick — and very incomplete — list:

Samson and Delilah (pictured above): she seduces him, then robs him of his masculinity.
Judah has sex with his widowed daughter-in-law, thinking she is a prostitute.
Amnon rapes his half-sister Tamar.
Lot’s daughters get him drunk and have sex with him
Noah (the “righteous man in his generation”) gets drunk and is found naked by his son Ham.
The Song of Songs is an extremely powerful paean to sex between two people who are not married.
David commits adultery with Bathsheba, then has her husband killed so he can marry her.
And so on (feel free to add your own in the comments)

Now, any other book with stories like this would immediately be challenged by the rabid fundies as unfit for children. Yet somehow that hasn’t happened with the Bible. Until now.

A Utah parent says the Bible contains porn and should be removed from school libraries. Here’s their full challenge. (requires removing ad blockers or a subscription)

Frustrated by the books being removed from school libraries, a Utah parent says there’s one that hasn’t been challenged yet, but that they believe should be, for being “one of the most sex-ridden books around.”

So they’ve submitted a request for their school district in Davis County to now review the Bible for any inappropriate content.

“Incest, onanism, bestiality, prostitution, genital mutilation, fellatio, dildos, rape, and even infanticide,” the parent wrote in their request, listing topics they found concerning in the religious text. “You’ll no doubt find that the Bible, under Utah Code Ann. § 76-10-1227, has ‘no serious values for minors’ because it’s pornographic by our new definition.”

(I don’t recall dildos or fellatio in the Bible, but now I’m motivated to look for them!)

In the Donald's hand everything becomes pornographic, even the bible.

Thursday, March 23, 2023

Trump's chief 2024 worry isn't DeSantis; it's his stunning success in dismantling abortion rights

SIOUX CITY, IA - NOVEMBER 03: Former U.S. President Donald Trump speaks during a campaign event at Sioux Gateway Airport on November 3, 2022 in Sioux City, Iowa. Trump held the rally to support for Iowa GOP candidates ahead of the state's midterm election on November 8th. (Photo by Stephen Maturen/Getty Images) — **Donald Trump speaks during a midterm campaign event at Sioux Gateway Airport on November 3, 2022 in Sioux City, Iowa.**

If Donald Trump were trying to capitalize on what was arguably the most impactful policy win of his tenure, Iowa would be the perfect place to do it.

Republicans' first primary will take place in the state, which has grown increasingly red throughout the Trump era and consistently favors candidates with evangelical appeal. Indeed, Iowa Republicans are known for delivering early victories to Christian zealots who have considerably less sway in New Hampshire and ultimately flame out in the GOP primary. In 2008, Iowa Republicans elevated former pastor and Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee; in 2012, they chose rock-ribbed Christian conservative and former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum; and in 2016, they favored Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas, who had fashioned himself as the second coming.

But Trump, who swept the New Hampshire primary in 2016, could easily play up his wildly successful effort to dismantle legalized abortion nationwide as a way to woo Iowa Republicans, potentially racking up two early wins.

Instead, Trump assiduously avoided the topic last weekend during his first visit to the Hawkeye State this cycle, according to the Associated Press.

From the moment he stepped off the plane in Iowa, Trump continually dodged questions about whether he would implement a federal national abortion ban. AP reporter Steve Peoples pressed him twice on the matter, but the most he could squeeze from Trump was a decidedly generic, "We're looking at a lot of different things."

After following Trump's verbal tics over a handful of years, the phrase is recognizably meaningless prattle that Trump could just as easily spout about breakfast cereal as he could about ordering a lethal hit on an international adversary.

By the time Trump had finished glad-handing with diners, speechifying, and fielding questions from voters, he hadn't once uttered the word abortion.

And despite his stellar record on upending a half-century of precedent on reproductive rights, Trump ducking the issue at every turn isn't going to fly with the forced-birther fundies.

“No one gets a pass,” said Majorie Dannenfelser, head of the right-wing anti-abortion organization Susan B. Anthony Pro-Life America. “With Trump, this is his legacy. It’s something that I believe he will get right, but he’s clearly doing some soul searching right now.”

Actually, Trump's reticence is pretty straightforward—he knows it's an electoral loser for Republicans, plain and simple, particularly in a general election. It is also most certainly his legacy, and he is actively trying to bury it.

In the wake of last year's Supreme Court decision gutting Roe v. Wade, some two dozen states have implemented outright abortion bans while others are moving toward outlawing the procedure after six weeks of pregnancy, which is before many people even know they are pregnant.

As 2024 gets underway, Dannenfelser's group plans to ask all Republican candidates to sign a national 15-week abortion ban pledge.

“If any GOP primary candidate fails to summon the moral courage to endorse a 15-week gestational minimum standard, then they don’t deserve to be the president of the United States,” said Dannenfelser.

But SBA Pro-Life America isn't the only organization aiming to extract public commitments from Republican hopefuls. The Heritage Foundation and Students for Life Action also have designs to ensure banning abortion is front and center in the GOP primary candidate forums, questionnaires, and other means.

More power to 'em.

Former Vice President Mike Pence, who's eyeing a bid, is already on record supporting a national 15-week abortion ban, but he has also indicated that he wants to snuff out legal abortions completely in "every state in the land."

Former U.N. ambassador Nikki Haley signed a 20-week abortion ban in 2016 while she was governor of South Carolina. It included exceptions for the life of the mother and nonviable fetuses.

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, Trump's undeclared chief rival, has pledged to sign a 6-week abortion ban that GOP state lawmakers are on track to deliver to him this session.

Despite the fervor of his GOP counterparts, Trump is exactly right about what a nonstarter curtailing abortion access and reproductive freedom is at the ballot box.

But the dogged push by forced birthers will continue throughout the cycle to the detriment of a Republican Party that is mounting simultaneous attacks on Black voting rights, transgender freedoms, parental rights, freedom of speech, and more.

Eventually, a GOP nominee will emerge who will either be at odds with the fundies (causing serious internal GOP strife) or at odds with the broader electorate (sacrificing any chance of winning over suburban women).

Either eventuality will be a welcome development for Democrats.

We're coming for you, Donnie. You reap what you sow.

Wednesday, March 22, 2023

ALDOUS J. PENNYFARTHING: After Trump's online prayer session glitches out, he weirdly blames the 'radical left'

WASHINGTON, DC - SEPTEMBER 01: U.S. President Donald Trump, Vice President Mike Pence and faith leaders say a prayer during the signing of a proclamation in the Oval Office of the White House September 1, 2017 in Washington, DC. President Trump signed a proclamation to declare this Sunday as a National Day of Prayer for people affected by Hurricane Harvey. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

Imagine if progressives really were as shrewd, Machiavellian, and self-interested as conservatives like to claim we are. What if there was some dark, sinister purpose—yet to be revealed—behind Michael Dukakis putting on that tank helmet? Or maybe we really did steal the 2020 election with Italian satellites and Jewish space lasers, just so millions of beleaguered MAGA voters who passionately hate us could have free school lunches and a lifetime guarantee of health care.

Unfortunately, most meetings of our shadowy, one-world-government cabal devolve into screaming matches over whether the granola bars Jeremy brought are actually vegan, since they were made in a facility that processes honey.

Speaking of pointless caterwauling, Donald Trump recently participated in a prayer session that a group of his supporters hosted online, presumably so he could venerate, exalt, and glorify the ineffable, transcendent, eternal god of the universe without having to put on pants before noon. And when things didn’t go as swimmingly as everything else in his life, Trump blamed evil liberals. Natch.

Monday’s Pastors for Trump National Prayer Call—meant to stop prosecutors from holding a lifelong con man accountable to the rule of law—featured kooky Trump confederates Roger Stone and Gen. Michael Flynn, and apparently it was infiltrated, somehow, by the “radical left.”

Insider:

Shortly after Trump joined the call, host Jackson Lahmeyer, who describes himself as a pastor and entrepreneur, asked him what specific prayer request Trump had for the pastors on the call.

At that point, Trump's audio disconnected. The guests sat in awkward silence for a couple of minutes before Trump managed to reconnect to the call.

"Okay, I guess we have some phone miscommunication. And I think what happened was that the radical left was working on the phone. There is no

(He may later try to claim he was being “sarcastic,” but he clearly doesn’t know what that word means. And if he was joking, he was doing a pretty good job of hiding it.)

How nice would it be to 1) have so little shame you can just make things up on the spot out of whole cloth and expect them to be believed and 2) actually have an army of sycophants at your beck and call who will believe such things?

It’s like Kyle Rittenhouse—and basically every other dopey right-winger with no coherent argument—blurting out “George Soros!” whenever they need a handy bugaboo to blame their troubles on. It’s all (antisemitic) nonsense, of course. They act like every last dollar progressives earn comes from Soros, but that’s absurd. For instance, he only pays me when I can organically weave the word “smegma” into one of my stories. Oh, and ... ka-ching!

But when you have no actual policy prescriptions for anything, all you can really do is point at the other side—like Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers—and shriek incomprehensibly about the evil they do. Never mind how paranoid it might sound.

And in case you think this was just a Trump thing—oh, no. The paranoia over liberal omnipotence (which somehow comports with conservatives’ fevered notions about our irredeemable incompetence) wasn’t simply limited to the conspiracy-monger-in-chief. The Daily Beast:

Subsequently, far-right website The Gateway Pundit claimed in a follow-up article that a sinister—and unidentifiable—force was to blame.

“We don’t know at this time what happened with the call with President Trump and why the administrators were kicked off their normally very reliable Internet,” editor Joe Hoft, who was also on the call, wrote. “It could have been call volume, or it could have been outside sabotage or something else.”

In a phone interview with The Daily Beast on Monday night, Pastors for Trump founder Jackson Lahmeyer said that “trolls” might have been behind the snafu—flooding into the backstage virtual call room.

Or maybe you’re all ridiculous fuckups? Ockham’s razor cuts right to the quick, man.

If you want an aperitif, there’s this bit of blather from Roger Stone, the Trump confidant whose sentence Trump corruptly commuted in July 2020:

STONE: “It is now vitally important that every American pray for the safety of President Trump and his family and his enormous courage in this moment. As I said earlier, I spoke to him Sunday morning. He called me, we prayed together on the phone, he was in an excellent mood. He is a man completely without fear because he puts his faith in the Lord.”

Yeah, I know whenever I think of Trump, I picture a guy totally devoid of fear who leaves all his troubles to the Lord. That’s him to a T. Once again, MAGA nails it. And once again, they’ve foiled our dastardly plot.

Curses!

Oh what a holy man he is. A man of faith. A man of compassion. Just ask any of the mindless idiots who worship him. They wouldn't know an upside down bible if they saw it.