A lot of great things have come out of Wisconsin. Workers’ compensation. The Wisconsin Idea. The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. People from Kiel dancing to hip-hop at their big-city cousin’s wedding in Appleton. (You may be tempted to drop acid before a Badger State wedding reception, but believe me, it’s really not necessary.) And oh yeah, the cheese.
But Sen. Ron Johnson is not one of these great things.
Sure, Wisconsin’s worst-ever U.S. senator is Joe McCarthy, but he retains that title only because RoJo is too feckless to craft a Machiavellian plot that doesn’t require twice-daily visits to Culver’s. So it’s great to hear that President Joe Biden—whose latest colonoscopy allegedly revealed what was either a benign polyp or the spongy remnants of Rick Scott’s head following last week’s State of the Union—has a keen dislike for Johnson in particular.
According to Politico’s West Wing Playbook, Biden—who often pushes bipartisan bonhomie as far as it can possibly be pushed—hates Johnson more than any other U.S. senator. Yes, even more than Ted Cruz. Which is a little like hating Benito Mussolini’s pet ferret more than Adolf Hitler, but there it is.
Biden holds real antipathy for one Republican above all others: Sen. RON JOHNSON. The president's distaste is so strong that aides recall him expressing joy at MSNBC host JOE SCARBOROUGH’s frequent description of the Wisconsin senator as having “rocks in his head.”
Biden’s disdain for Johnson was evident during last week’s post-State of the Union stop at a union hall not far outside Madison. Reading off a printout, Biden turned to the audience of hardhats: “By the way, you have Senator…” he said before pausing for a beat. Biden smirked. He cleared his throat as the crowd laughed and then finished calling out Johnson. “Ron Johnson, on Social Security and Medicare, quote, ‘We should transfer everything so we have to consider everything every year.’”
Aw, come on now. RoJo doesn’t have rocks in his head. Rocks are stable. His head is more like a vintage Dukes of Hazzard lunchbox stuffed with nitroglycerin and nougat.
According to Politico, Biden, who never served in the Senate with Johnson, acquired a particular distaste for the Wisconsin senator while Biden was vice president, seeing him as someone “who cared mostly about cable hits” and who debased himself in service to Donald Trump. And that antipathy has since grown like a radiant sunflower in Guernsey cow shit.
Though Johnson did not cast a vote against certifying Biden’s win, he backed Trump’s false claims of election fraud and spread doubt about the legitimacy of Biden’s election. He went so far as to task an aide with delivering an alternate — and fake — set of electors to then-Vice President Mike Pence on Jan. 6, 2021 in a bid to keep Trump in power in 2020. Months later when that news came to light, Johnson claimed to have had only a vague awareness of what the document had been. And two years later, Johnson refused to commit to accepting the results of his own midterm election, until he won. There’s also his unabashed skepticism about Covid-19 vaccines, including a recent focus on, as he put it, “advocating for the vaccine-injured.”
Ah, yes, the vaccines. God only knows how many everyday Wisconsinites the multimillionaire Johnson killed with his aimless—and decidedly weird—vaccine skepticism. Though if God does exist, I assume He’ll tell him. Or at least fax Satan a list of names to give to Johnson in person. (Yes, they still use fax machines in hell. Thermal fax machines, to be more specific. Or you can simply email your multigenerational curse requests to Satan@Arbys.com.)
Meanwhile, Johnson’s monomaniacal focus on Biden’s son Hunter has also reportedly angered Uncle Joe, who has noted that, unlike Sen. Scott, Johnson would like to sunset Social Security and Medicare every year instead of once every five.
When contacted for comment, Johnson was philosophical about his low standing with the president. (Not “philosophical” in the ordinary sense, of course. More like if Kierkegaard got wasted on Jäger and asked the Hamm’s Bear to finish his term paper for him.)
“I would say I’m probably not his favorite senator,” said Johnson. “I think there's all kinds of personal animus from him toward me. He doesn't like the truth being told.”
Okay, Ron. If you do ever happen to tell the truth, we’ll let Joe know straightaway.
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