A flashy parade wasn’t enough adoration for Trump, even though it’s so massive that it will wreck the streets of our nation’s capital. He needs it to be a personal and obvious celebration of him and Army leaders are well aware of this, which is why paratroopers from the elite U.S. Army Parachute Team known as the Golden Knights will be parachuting in during the parade and, upon landing, hand the birthday boy a flag.
However, the Army would like you to know that there are currently no plans to sing “Happy Birthday” to Trump. But earlier reports had the Golden Knights parachuting down to the review stand at the Ellipse, so why not throw in a nice authoritarian gesture by adding the flag handoff?
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This latest attempt to turn the Army’s birthday into a Trump jubilee will no doubt add to the already staggering costs of this production. When Trump tried to mount a military parade during his first term, the cost was estimated at $92 million.
The Department of Homeland Security hasn’t provided a cost estimate this time around, despite the event already being designated a “national security special event” by the Secret Service, requiring extra safety measures.
Estimates of the Army’s cost alone range from $25 million to $45 million. But don’t worry! The Army says it will pay for the massive damage this parade could do to Washington, D.C.’s roads. That sounds nice—until you remember that the Army pays for things with our tax dollars. But since Trump was already proposing a trillion-dollar military budget, this is pocket change for the Army.
The possible damage to the roads is hardly minor, however. The military tanks that are going to rumble down Constitution Avenue weigh roughly 25 times as much as a car. Holding the parade in the summer also raises the possibility of the sun-baked asphalt roads buckling or collapsing entirely. Oh, and on narrower streets, the tanks could crush the curbs and take out lampposts. And although the Army is being all breezy about paying for any destruction, that ignores the fact that roads take a long time to properly repair
Nobody is clamoring for these overwrought festivities except Trump and his sycophants, but one thing the aspiring autocrat refuses to grasp is that normal people will not turn out in droves to see him. His cult of true believers salivates for his rallies, but the dismal turnout at both of his presidential inaugurations shows that doesn’t translate to big celebrations in our nation’s capital.
He outright lied about attendance at his first inauguration, claiming it was the largest in history despite the obvious evidence disproving that. He moved his second inauguration ceremony indoors due to cold weather and made up some nonsense about streaming numbers instead, trying to say he smashed Ronald Reagan’s 1981 viewing record.
Yes, the true believers will be there. The pardoned Jan. 6 insurrectionists will probably show up. Maybe all the billionaire tech bros who lavished millions on Trump for his inauguration will attend so they can sit next to the big important man again. The president is already selling access to the highest bidders, with a “dedicated VIP experience” available for big donors to America250, the nonprofit set up to organize sesquicentennial celebrations next year—and conveniently staffed by Trump loyalists. All that money, though, can’t guarantee high turnout for this parade of flattery.
As much as the Army keeps taking pains to say that the parade is no big deal and just part of a larger observance of its existence, everyone knows that’s not true. The parade is a celebration of a strongman president and an authoritarian display of power. It’s a profoundly anti-American event disguised as a patriotic procession, and no one should pretend otherwise.
